“I wouldn’t be surprised,
In the middle of the night, to
Find Vinay watching me in my room. I’d just say
“Go home Vinay, it’s creepy.””
And she laughed loudly at me, then repeated it
To everyone around me.
We are… were friends, I tried many times to be
And not creepy.
“You’re so touchy!”
Yes, yes I’m touchy.
Because when you stand there mocking me,
Or joking about me or saying something to get a reaction from me and think
It’s “damn funny”
You are pushing me,
From the top, of my self-esteem, into a dark pit of anxiety.
I’m scared, if I stop being touchy
Then you’ll think, it’s okay to punch me;
Then I’ll be in high school again
Getting beaten up by the boys around me.
And I’ll be losing it.
I’m scared to go to high School reunions,
‘Cos my bully’s might want to throw a punch.
Or break my face,
Just for old time’s sake.
But I still met one, he convinced me
That maybe we could be friends, again
Like we used to be.
I met him in his car, we had a nice chat
And then he asked me
To blow him and I started crying.
I was losing it,
Every step into adulthood,
I forget who I am and end up in
My very own hell, inside my head.