I feel like a stranger again. I thought this was something from the past, a fear from the past or of loneliness that enveloped me while in a classroom full of people. People who’ve been around for the last two and a half years, there is a zoom out and each one looks so familiar but only the face. A complete stranger in front, next to, across and beside me staring into their laptop screens and I was slowly dissolving into molecules that would disappear with time and forgotten. My fear is of being forgotten and people forgetting me or vice-versa.
The fear of being lonely is so strong sometimes in room full of people, amidt laughter, conversation and life I’m sinking in my own pit of self-pity. It’s so easy to slip inside and getting lost and getting back up is…
It was no different today, I felt everything slipping and the world annoying. But as I stepped outside of the class there were people who came up to and said “hello” or “Hi” and others who avoided my face. I have friends and then there are people I used to be friends with. It’s not over, I can love and have loved. I will be able to love again, it’s just not today but it will happen and I will be able to fly again, soar like a bird in the deep blue sky.
With a coffee glass in my hand, a friend listening and conversations flying, life seemed nice again. Under the blue sky, beneath a green trees and around noisy people I got a lot of things said now I’m sure it’s not easy but I will be moving.
And then I’m home again