I like my rain loud, noisy, boisterous, difficult, and a little, just a little painful, and it should be able to hold me down in one place. I don’t like rains on a cloudy afternoon with a cold breeze and grim look, if I wanted to feel the quite, calm and dead I’d reach into my soul.
I’ve realised if something isn’t like me and everybody loves it, I’m drawn to it. I want to be it, so much validation I seek from the world. There are too many thing that I can’t make myself do or be and that’s everything I’d easily love to be. It bothers me greatly but I can’t say why it bothers me, is it the harsh reality of facing my desires or just silly childlike stubbornness, I don’t know.
I’m sitting in my driveway, listening to the thunder, the wind picks up a faster pace and a colder current comes along. My hair is annoying because it’s at an awkward length, where it is too short to tuck behind my ear but long enough to get in the way of my vision. So there is a constant battle between my hands and hair, my ear is Switzerland but the war seems inevitable.
The sky growled loudly, it’s like someone is screaming out of joy and I can’t stop smiling. I felt a tingling sensation over my skin, it was nice and a shiver ran through my body, top to toe. The growling continues, the wind is getting colder each minute. A hundred thousand rain memories or stories seem to be popping up in my head in flashes like in the movies.The art and ideas from movies help me place everything neatly, with designated locations and achieve aesthetic appeal.
I don’t know if I should spend time with these memories or if I should just sit back and watch the mess tangle and untangle itself like the city traffic. And it just might eventually die or I’m hoping it would. It’s paralysing, these memories but these blasts from the past are still beyond me and manage to drain my everything. During this mess I can feel my face shoot a sad smile that I think looks ugly.
The sky is many shades of grey and the streets like the roof is covered in a mess of green leaves, purple and white flowers. I just sat there staring till I got back in to the house, only to stare at the rain, again.