Reading seems to require a kind of patience that I’m starting to lose. It has been a slow process, but a drastic one, like global warming. And that only leads to the end of the world, despite what many politicians say or believe.
It’s the last week of summer before my final year of Bachelors and I’m flipping shit. I was stoked for the beginning of college till I finished my internship four days ago. I had small panic attacks till then but it’s been getting bigger and worried that everything is going to fall apart. For the first time in a really long while things in college feel like they are in an okay place. But going back means there is possibility of setting this balance on a stir and everything, cracking up, breaking and falling apart.
But I want my degree so I have to go to college. Then my parents don’t forget to remind me that I’m a boy with a BA and this potentially won’t attract a “suitable proposal” or “bride”. The fact that I’m an engineering drop out isn’t helping my case, apparently. Even though these things don’t matter to me directly they still hang around in my head, driving me crazy and making me mad enough to hate me.
The fact that I have nothing to do for another week is not helping my case. A month of keeping myself busy with my internship at TLF helped me focus and it was the best vacation I could have given myself.
The office has a really pretty canopy in the balcony.
But the end of this holiday has been the end of a peaceful mind and a happy week. Now back to having no aim, focus or purpose in life, and having all the time in the world for regularly panic attacks and self-loathing sessions.
I went to TLF hoping to give my best at writing decently for them and picking up a few things that would help me make a better writer. And I think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made so far, don’t know if my writing has gotten better but I have.
Random Pictures from the office, here.