Some Nights

Some nights are crazy fucking blurry, everything is hazy and I want a tub full of ice cream because I can’t have you. I feel like a stubborn baby that is screaming for a toy, but it’s a person who doesn’t want me, I can’t make you like me. I can’t keep chasing smoke even when I know it leads me nowhere. I know it, I believe it, I can say it and I still can’t follow it.

Why can’t I simply think with the right head? Why am I letting my blood rush decide for me? But it feels like more than a blood rush; the happiness, joy and a sense of freedom from being tied up. I put myself through pain, sorrow, and guilt probably because I secretly enjoy it and can’t admit it.

The focus is lost, everything is fading, the lights in the distant are pretty like her eyes. I keep forgetting and then remember their sparkle whilst falling in my dreams, like an escape I missed. The radiant smile set my damned soul on eternal blaze just so I could drown in the blue of her eyes.
Out of the misty night I find another light that shows me fireflies and now I’m worried about another trip down memory lane. It’s nothing pleasant and is everything I wouldn’t want to be.

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