Dear W,

It’s been exactly one year and a day, since the first night we hung out, on the roof a shady bar that was going to be our regular soon. Since then we’ve had multiple fights, stopped being friends twice and kissed once. I have fallen for you, then you said we can’t happen and turns out you thought I was still hitting on you. There was a lot of tension and we had a brief period of silence. Then we also went out on a date, I bought you flowers, went on a short bike ride, got wet in the rain, and we talked.

You were uncomfortable with groups of new people, or just new people. Wait, no, that’s only groups of women or a woman. I started to pull away, made a new friend and it didn’t go so well, we fought, you stopped talking to me for the first time. We ran into each other accidentally on a fucking crowded busy street that was celebrating iftar and we hugged right there. I felt the world melt away, like the rain you washed away all the grey and soot on me, for that moment I wished the world froze. It was perfect, all the bad things never happened and we were fucking perfect for each other, at least that’s what I thought.

We started talking again, life was pretty, birds were singing, flowers were blooming and all that jazz. Then it started to change again, it wasn’t working out any-more, between us and we were having too many difficulties. My mind wants to blame it all on you and walk away, but honestly that’s not true and I’ll never find closure if I don’t accept the honest to god truth. Once I do, washing it away, like you used to make me feel with life is like eating cake.

These difficulties led to the first time we had a serious fight and you asked me to leave you alone for good, then went ahead and block me on Whatsapp, SnapChat, Instagram, and un-friend me on Facebook. That was probably the worst thing to happen to me then, I was in a bad place and was acting out which only was leading me to a road far more terrible. Later, two months and a week later to be precise we had a conversation of a sorts on Facebook and you had unblocked on whatsapp. But you also had a boyfriend, who didn’t like me very much then and probably hates me now.

I sent you another friend request on Facebook and we are friends again. Took slow steps, we apologised, you a lot more than me, we met each other, and started talking again. You didn’t walk away from me like the last two times when we saw each other on the streets and it was nice to find you back, that familiar warmth that burnt me just the way I liked it. This went on fairly well, till you let all of hell out lose, again. I was a source of fights and problems, you told me. I told you to let me go if I was a source of problems. So you let me go again. Now you’ve blocked me and un-friended, again.

Shame on you for the first time and shame on me to let you do this to me again. So, I hope you have a great life, but if I don’t let you close again, you fucking know why. Honestly, knowing me, next time if you give me the time and wait, I’ll let you back in to wreck a havoc inside and then walk away, again. Take care and spare me the tears, heart break, and havoc by staying the fuck away. So please, please don’t come back.

 

Love,

Vinay Green

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