There is a knot in my stomach, it’s blocked a lot of shit and it’s making me constipated. No amount of water I drink is helping, no amount of jazz music is soothing, no amount of yoghurt is helping, and now I’m running out of ideas.
My mother’s cousin told her that her neighbour’s aunt’s daughter in law’s father’s employee’s Father in law once suffered from constipation. It lasted almost a week, and he was given a glass of really hot water. Within minutes the hot water through his body and he shat a Weeks worth in his pants.
So I sat on the ceramic throne with a glass of hot water that burned my tongue, and had no effect on my bowel movement.
Now the most ridiculous things and theories came about my inability to shit. Some said I secretly shat late in the night or when I was out, and claimed this for my parents attention. Others said I was playing the fool for no reason and two strikes to the buttocks is the remedy. I was disappointed with a lack of alien theories but my great aunt lived up to my expectations. She suggested black magic, Voodoo, possession, and vegetarianism were probably the reasons for my ailment in an ascending order of probability.
My girlfriend didn’t want to have sex because she was worried to catch it, or that I might shit during.
“Where do I find these people?”
My nosy neighbours sent spicy, exotic, and tasty soups, and my body just seemed to puke it all out, making the wrong end leak.
I drank a lot of water, hoping it helps.


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